Second Marriage Essential: The Prenuptial Agreement

 

While signing a prenuptial agreement can be one of the all-time romantic turnoffs, for people heading into their second marriage, a prenuptial agreement can give the trade-off of a better relationship through the security of financial and life planning.

A prenuptial agreement is a legal contract between two people about to marry, specifying how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. A prenuptial agreement is a good idea, even if you aren’t rich or own a home. It saves future arguments and can even save you money.

A prenuptial agreement requires that each partner prepare an inventory of assets owned before the marriage, and it allows you to establish your separate priorities about those assets.
Even if you do nothing more than that in your prenuptial agreement, this gives children from a previous marriage a chance to have half of that property and establish what belonged to Mom or Dad before the second marriage, and it establishes what you're taking with you should you leave the marriage."

Statistically, second or third marriages are more likely to result in divorce than first-time unions. Because of this, a prenuptial agreement is an especially wise idea.

• A prenup is important if one of you is wealthier than the other.

• If you have assets such as a house, stock or retirement funds, you should have a prenup.

• A prenuptial agreement is essential if you own part or all of a business.

• A prenup can discuss your wishes if you may be receiving an inheritance.

• If you have relatives who need to be taken care of, such as disabled children or elderly parents, a prenuptial agreement is very important.

• If you expect to receive a big increase in income because of a growing business, a prenuptial agreement can address this issue.

• A prenuptial agreement is essential if you have children and/or grandchildren from a previous marriage.
We recommend that each partner draw up a list of assets. Furthermore, for professional couples, prenuptial agreements can be the ultimate protection against all-too-common lawsuits or medical malpractice suits. You can't predict all of your life events, and prenuptial agreements are a means of keeping your own assets safe in the event of any financial problems that your spouse may experience.

Do you REALLY love me?

 

Should we have a prenuptial agreement?
OK. You can look at the idea as very cold and unromantic. You can look at the idea as a considerate and practical way to decide before the marriage certain issues having to do with your money.

It is interesting to note that the custom of creating prenuptial agreements is not the modern invention that it seems to be. During the 19th century, before the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, prenuptial agreements were necessary for women in the United States. Until the act became law, everything a woman owned or inherited was transferred to her husband. If he died or divorced her, she was just out of luck.

Nowadays it is not so uncommon to execute prenuptial agreements. And these are not just for the famous super-rich couples we read about, where one spouse is much richer than the other. These are couples who want to be upfront about financial issues and get that out of the way before the wedding.

A prenuptial agreement is a signed and notarized contract that describes how a couple will handle the financial aspects of their marriage. The prenuptial agreement has many positive benefits that are not related to divorce, and although it is not very romantic, it has many positive elements.

• If a future spouse won't sign a prenuptial agreement, it may be best to discover this before the wedding.
The financial well-being of children from a previous marriage can be protected
• Personal and business assets accumulated before the marriage are protected by a prenuptial agreement.
• A prenuptial agreement reveals financial expectations before the wedding.

• A prenuptial agreement discloses assets a spouse may want to give to children or other family members in the event of death.
• In the event of a divorce, the prenup eliminates battles over assets and finances.
• Signing a prenup does not mean that a couple is anticipating divorce.
• Prenups address financial matters need to be faced.

• A well-constructed prenuptial agreement can preserve family ties and inheritance.
Despite its many positive features, the prenuptial agreement cannot accomplish everything.
• A prenuptial agreement may be considered unromantic.
• A prenuptial agreement may give the appearance of a lack of trust between the partners.
• It is true that a prenup could create resentment between certain spouses.

• Certain requirements exist so that the prenuptial agreement cannot be declared invalid. These include failure to disclose all assets, evidence of fraud, forcing the agreement upon the other spouse, unfairness, and lack of representation at the time of signing the agreement.
If you are considering having a prenuptial agreement it is important to remember these things:
• Don’t wait until the last minute to talk about financial matters. Discuss the agreement early in the relationship.
• Don’t try to hide your thoughts, feelings, and especially your assets.

VALENTINE'S DAY: WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

 

The perfect card, the perfect gift, the perfect date . . . Isn't there enough pressure in relationships without having to live up to some romantic ideal on Valentine's Day?

This is not how the celebration of February 14 started out. Its origins stem from Pagan and Christian history. Back then there were feasts celebrating fertility, and later there was recognition of St. Valentine (whose actual existence is questioned by some experts) who secretly performed marriage ceremonies for soldiers when the emperor had forbidden it. But there were no TV commercials depicting models with perfect bodies and perfect teeth giving each other chocolates and back rubs. Valentine's Day back then was not a test of how good a lover you were.

Modern relationships are difficult enough without having to stage a major performance on a designated day. Men agonize over the greeting card racks, hoping that they can choose a card that is not too funny, not too mushy. And the gift: how will she interpret it? If I buy her chocolates will she think I want her to get fat? If I don't buy her chocolates will she think I assume she is fat? Is the gift too extravagant? Is it too impersonal? Are roses too predictable?

This is not what love is all about. Love is much more complex than flowers and chocolates. Social psychologists have been studying interpersonal attraction and love for almost four decades, and they still haven't figured it out completely. What is known, however, is that love relationships are multi dimensional. Sexual attraction, or what some people call "chemistry" is only one ingredient of a love relationship, and often not even the most important one.

Distinctions have been made between passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is an intense longing for the other person. It is accompanied by extreme feelings: ecstasy when things are going well, and despair when things are rocky. Passionate love is also characterized by physical sensations, such as rapid heartbeat and "butterflies" in the stomach.

Companionate love does not have the fire and the heat that passionate love does, but it can more than compensate in the form of closeness, trust and affection. Furthermore it lasts much longer than passionate love, which subsides relatively quickly.

Another way of defining love is in terms of three components: passion, commitment and intimacy. These interact with one another in various combinations, so that no two relationships are alike.
Long-term satisfaction in relationships does not depend on material wealth or success. Nor does it depend on physical attractiveness. A recent study of middle-aged college graduates indicated that good looking people, on average, were no more satisfied with their marriages or with their lives, than were plainer people.

So what does constitute long-term contentment in relationships? Psychologists have found that a feeling of equity is important. That is, the partners feel they are each getting about as much as they're giving. Not that they keep score, but over the long run things even out. This is similar to just being good friends to one another, supporting one another, laughing at each other's jokes even though you've heard them dozens of times. Another ingredient in long-term relationships is investment. This refers to material possessions, time and emotional investment.

The greater the investment, the more likely the couple will stay together.
So what does all this have to do with Valentine's Day? If you wish, buy that card or those flowers, but keep in mind that this is not a maker or breaker of a relationship. Better yet, show your partner love and consideration on the other 364 days in the year. It will make a greater impact than doing so according to the calendar.

Sexcellence

 

Sexcellence is the application of excellence to eros. This amorous journey into the unknown is a heroic quest for evergreen pastures of erotic pleasures; a lovetime of seeking new ways to imparadise one another while sexually intimate. It's the philosophy that sex is best when it's always getting better, and the derivative practice of doing what it takes to grow each time we get it on.

Commitment to sexcellence is an antidote for a dull, disappointing, and dying sex life. Most people find it impossible to maintain enthusiasm for sexperiences that are monotonous or emotionally unfulfilling. Even people only willing to go "so far" wish for ways to constantly add spice to their sex lives. And perhaps this is because growing predictability without growing passion and progression in the bedroom leads inexorably to the feeling that one is doing it just to be doing it or, worst, that one is only being used and thus sexually abused. Sexcellence, on the other hand, is getting our groove on without having to worry about getting too used to one another. It's a way not only to avert stagnation, but to sexperience one another in ways that are always fresh and refreshing.

Sexcellence is improving how well we get it on by first improving how well we get along. The degree of joy we receive from having sex is largely determined by the quality of our relationships with our sex partners. Of course, it's possible to enjoy having sex with people who don't treat us well or for whom we have no true affection. But not for very long. As an emotional experience par excellence, sexual involvement inevitably demands a reckoning of our relationships. So we're compelled, as it were, to eventually evaluate our sex lives in light of how close we are to those we're sexually involved with. The pursuit of sexcellence is a sagacious strategy for attempting to ensure that we enjoy sex more rather than less by making our respective choice of partner preeminent among our priorities.

Persons with potential to be sexcellent partners are not clones even though we have some things in common. We come from all walks of life and collectively form a magnificent mosaic of unique individuals who delight in improvisational intimacy. Ideally, our commonalities should also include the capacity to love, an open mind, a lush imagination, freedom from the known, sensitivity to others, good communication and conflict resolutions skills, a spirit of cooperation, and enough humility to continue learning from and with other human beings who can help us avoid the mire of mediocrity.

Such are some of the salient qualities we must embody to continually experience sexual pleasures the very existence of which we might not have suspected. Such are qualities we should allow to shape our attitudes toward sexperimentation. Such are qualities we should allow to determine our approaches to sexploration. Otherwise, we'll simply be trying new things without strengthening the ties of true intimacy.

If you understand this concept of sexcellence, then perhaps you understand why I'm not about to conclude these reflections by suggesting specific sex acts, positions, props, and "toys" with which to sexplore. It matters not what your partner and you do as long as it's done in a spirit of love. Neither does it matter whether you prefer terms like "kinky" and "freaky"; for sexcellence by any other name is still sexcellence - a wonderful way of living and relating to our significant others that entails, among other things, viscerally creative and compassionate sexpression.

Indescribable love

                                                                             Enough already.
After five years of either pregnancy or breastfeeding, Alison finally threw in the towel.
At least she tried to.
Miss Camille had other ideas—which she expressed by shrieking relentlessly in the middle of the night until Mom caved—just before Camille woke up the rest of the county.

We can all take a page from the negotiating book of a two year-old—loudly and unashamedly demand what you want without reprieve until you get it.
Almost always works.

Plan A—gradual weaning, failed miserably, as did plan B—reasoning, plan C—bribery, and a few more already forgotten.
On to plan D—cold turkey. Mom disappears after dark, spends the evenings at Grandma’s. Dad takes care of the kids until dawn—for two straight weeks.
Here we go.

It’s day five and I’m beat.
Last night looked something like this.
9:30 PM-ish—Dad steals a solitary moment of peace in the living room, with a good book and a respectable glass of chardonnay. Dad makes it through six pages, still exhausted from day four’s nocturnal campaign, crashes before 10.

12:42 AM—Camille cries out. Dad leaps up and goes to comfort her.
“Where’s Mama?” she asks.
“She’s working,” I answer. Okay, so I lied—guilty as charged. I couldn’t think of anything better on short notice.
“I want my Baba,” she demands.
“I’ll make it for you,” I obey.
“I want to come with you.” She climbs into my arms and off we march.
3:10 AM—I sense a stirring next to me. Linus arrives, clutching his action figures.
“Is Power Rangers on Dad?”
“Not yet, son. It’s too early. Climb on in and close your eyes. I promise that I’ll wake you up.”
Uh-oh, the commotion aroused the little one.
“I want some more Baba, Dada,” Camille pleads.
“Sure, baby.” Back to the kitchen for round two.

I stagger in a sleep-deprived haze.
No matter what anyone says, real work pales in comparison to child rearing. I’ll take ten hours at the office over two hours alone with Thing One and Thing Two, master destroyers of the universe—or at least most of our house.

5:27 AM—Camille props herself up on the pillows. An outside tint of yellow reminds me that a sun still burns out there, somewhere below the horizon.
“I want some breakfast,” she starts.
I throw off the covers.

She’s up.
Camille sits on the counter while I butter her toast and wait for the coffee to kick in. I reflect back to a few hours ago, the overwhelming awe and wonder I felt as I lay on my back, my baby daughter nestled into my left shoulder, my boy snuggled into my right. No words could ever express the profundity of feelings that washed over me and brought a small flood of joyous tears.

Sleep or no sleep, I wouldn’t trade my spot for anywhere in the world.
“Sweet dreams, Mom,” I thought to myself.
That’s A View From The Ridge…

True love requires a complete attitude to understand the depth in it

 

                                                     Love is a fine flower but unity of consciousness is the root- Sri Aurobindo
One of my friends was living in Delhi some years before. It was his toughest time ever in his life. He had lost his job and was not in a condition to search for a job for a long time. His command on English was not good at that time so whatever jobs were available in the market he could not grab those. At last he decided to join an English course in one of the well-known English learning centre in Delhi.

There he met his love of life. He was not sure whether she was in love with her or not but he did not bother about that. He did not know that he can be able to get her in future. He had told his feelings to her. He has always considered her his strength that gave him great confidence and by that he could walk on the path of success. Today he is working as an editor in one of the reputed English newspapers of India.

My friend has understood true love and its desire. He had no desire from her but to fulfill his life by the feeling of being loved and loving someone. That was enough for him.
It is easy to fall in love but it is not so easy to understand true love. We consider it as just an act but it requires a complete attitude.

True love is like a sea, it appears lull but inside, a lot of things happen. And to know the depth of the sea you have to be a good swimmer to begin with.
Love is ever the beginning of knowledge as fire is light- Carlyle
To understand true love, first you have to love yourself. The better you love yourself the more you can understand others. By loving himself a person can understand desire of his own so can others.

True love means- compassion and commitment, compassion to understand each other and better understanding leads a simple and fruitful life. Where is, commitment is to live together. Living together leaves no place for sign of anger and jealousy. If it would happen it will last momentarily and finally love would prevail.

In true love sacrifice are not considered so, it is just a simple act. A person is not going to expect anything for his act. It is rare that a person would be selfish if he or she is under the shadow of true love. There is so much faith that gives liberty to the individuals that make their relationships last forever.
Khalil Jibran in his book The Prophet has nicely transformed the words of Christ who defined true love as;
Love possesses not nor it would be possessed.

For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart”, but “I am in the heart of God”.
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it find you worthy, direct your course.
Love has not other desire to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must have desire, let these be your desire:
In most of the cases we consider that true love only happens between two opposite sex people but it can be with anyone, with Almighty, parent, spouse, friend and with anything under the sun.
It was true love only that has motivated Farhad to make a tunnel across mountain. True love had been shown by Romeo for his beloved Julliet, Lailla for Majnu and Soni for Mahiwal had proved that it requires an attitude to understand true love. Attitude of true love made all the difference in their life and so it can in every ones life.

Love, which is the essence of God, is not for levity, but for the total worth of man- Emerson
Question always arises that a person falls in love or rises in love. One first falls in love and if his love is true then he will not only rise in love but in his life as well. No one can stop him to rise if he understands true love.
But as someone has said, “you hurt most the person you love most”, it means there is a lot of space for anything to happen in true love also.

Listening is Sexy

 

                                                               Active listening makes your mate feel worthy, appreciated, interesting, and respected. Besides the physical act of sex itself, it is one of the most important things you can do to solidify your friendship and strengthen intimacy.

When active listening occurs, ordinary conversations emerge on a deeper level, and so does the relationship.
Here are some tips for active listening:
1. Face your mate. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through body language.

2. Maintain eye contact.

3. Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your book or magazine, and ask your mate to do the same.

4. Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur ("uh-huh" and "um-hmm") and nod. Raise your eyebrows. Use words such as "really," and "interesting," as well as more direct prompts: "What did you do then?" and "How did that go?"

5. Focus solely on what your mate is saying. (And this is the hard one...) Try not to think about what you are going to say next.

6. Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and continuously re-focus your attention on your mate.

7. Keep an open mind. Wait until your mate is finished with his thought before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what he's thinking.

8. Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless she specifically asks for advice, assume she just needs to talk it out.

9. Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until he finishes to defend yourself. And avoid responding to a complaint with a complaint of your own.

10. Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has finished. After you ask questions, paraphrase the speaker's point to make sure you didn't misunderstand. Start with: "So you're saying..."

As you work on developing your active listening skills, you may feel a bit panicky when there is a natural pause in the conversation. With practice, it will become easier for you to settle into the silence and to use those natural pauses to better understand your mate's point of view.